|
Suggested
Rating: for teen and
older readers
Category: Daniel/Janet, angst
Setting: during and after the events in the
episode Upgrades
Synopsis: Turmoil can only be avoided for so
long before it bubbles to the surface.
Author’s
Comments: Part 21 in The Journey series. Thanks to Sonia for edits and
comments. And for her ideas,
which in part served as inspiration for this story.
DISCLAIMER: All
publicly recognizable characters and places (the Stargate
SG-1 stuff) are the property of MGM, World Gekko
Corp and Double Secret Productions.
This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment only and no
infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and
places, and this story, are creations of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living
or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the
author.
To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible
deception; it is an eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in
time or in eternity. - Soren Kierkegaard
DISSOLUTION
- by Michelle Lunsford (April 2007)
Daniel
placed the linguistic text aside and reached for another. That was four in the past ten minutes,
he estimated. Thoughts of reading
entire libraries at a time danced in his head as he opened the fifth book and
began zipping through its pages. This is sheer heaven, he reflected
with increasing giddiness.
“Hey,
how’s it going?” a familiar voiced called from the doorway.
Daniel
didn’t bother to look up as he replied, “Good, it’s good.” He took another bite of protein bar
and scanned several pages of the book in rapid succession.
He heard
Janet step farther into the room, every sound of her movements seemingly
amplified. “Looks like
you’re doing some research,” she commented evenly.
“Yeah!” He glanced up just long enough to
flash a grin. “The armband
kicked in a little while ago. You
wouldn’t believe how fast I can read now – it’s
amazing!”
“So
I see,” she said, her tone a bit wary. “Daniel, where are your
glasses?”
He buzzed
through a couple hundred more pages before answering. “Oh, um, I took them off. They were starting to blur my
vision.”
He reached
for another text but Janet stalled him by seizing his hand with her own. “Daniel, can you please just stop
and talk to me for a minute?”
He felt a
flicker of impatience at her insistence.
Meeting her eyes he slumped back in his chair, crossed his arms and answered,
“Okay. What’s
up?”
“I’m
running some blood work on Sam, and—”
He sat up
a little straighter and interrupted, “Why, is something wrong?”
“Just
taking precautions,” she replied.
“I’ve noticed the armbands seem to be having certain
effects on the human physiology and it’s got me concerned. I thought I’d stop by and see
how you were feeling.”
“I
feel fine,” he assured.
“Actually, I feel great.”
Frowning
slightly she pointed at the protein bars on his desk. “And yet you too have started
eating a lot more. You no longer
need your glasses to see properly, and I bet you’re running a
fever.”
He
shrugged. “I’m sure
Anise will tell us if we’re in any real danger.”
“I
don’t care what Anise thinks,” Janet snapped. “As your doctor I’m the one who should make that
judgment.”
Daniel
held his hands up, palms facing out.
“Okay, okay. Take it
easy.”
“I’m
sorry.” She ran a hand over
her forehead. “It’s
just that I’m getting a little tired of hearing you all sing that
woman’s praises when it’s obvious she doesn’t have your
health and safety as a high priority.”
He was rather
taken aback by the intensity of her outburst. Granted, something about Anise had put
him on edge from the moment she’d stepped through the gate, but
he’d never seen Janet behave this negatively toward one of their allies
before. He narrowed his eyes at
her. “Aren’t you
being a little extreme?”
Janet
shook her head. “Not at
all. She reminds me of people
I’ve known in the medical profession, the kind who get so involved in
the potential findings of their research that they forget to be
circumspect.” Lowering her
voice she continued, “And don’t even get me started on
her…,” she waved in a vague gesture, “choice of attire. I know the Tok’ra
have a different culture than our own, but for someone who is supposed to be
a scientist it strikes me that she’s not very professional. She certainly isn’t showing any
professional courtesy to me.”
His
surprise at her reaction began to mesh with traces of amusement. Leaning forward to prop his hands on
his knees, Daniel smirked at her.
“Sounds to me like you might be a little jealous.”
Janet,
blinking and mouth gaping, didn’t reply for several seconds. When she finally spoke, her voice was
tightly controlled.
“I’m going to ignore that you even said that.” Jamming her hands into her pockets,
she leveled her gaze at him and added, “In the meantime, I want you to
be observant about how the armband is affecting you. If you begin to notice any negative
side effects, I want you to take it off.”
“Janet,
I really don’t think—”
“I’m
serious,” she countered in her most stern tone.
“Fine,”
he huffed. Reaching for his book
he glared at her dismissively. “Now, unless there was something
else you wanted to discuss, I’d like to get back to my research.”
“Very
well.” Her own voice was
cold and measured.
Neither
offered a farewell and Daniel was half-way through the text by the time Janet
walked out the door.
^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *
“Daniel,
it’s late. I want to go
home. I do not want to stand out
here in the parking lot and have this conversation.”
“Then
when are we going to have it?” Daniel pressed. Giving in to some of his irritation he
added, “Am I simply supposed to wait until you stop avoiding me?”
Janet had
been avoiding him for the past two days and it was driving him crazy that he
couldn’t figure out why.
The recent fiasco with Anise and the armbands had certainly caused
tension between SG-1 and their doctor.
He still cringed whenever he thought of how rude he’d personally
been to Janet during that time. Still,
apologies had been offered and accepted. The team had even taken Janet out to
dinner as a show of good faith. But
it was during that dinner Daniel had sensed something else was bothering her. The impression only solidified over
the next couple of days and he was convinced it had to do with him.
It was
entirely by accident that he’d gotten on the elevator at the same time
she was heading off base for the night and he’d argued with himself the
entire journey topside about whether or not to engage in something other than
superficial pleasantries. He was
still questioning his decision to broach this topic as he considered
Janet’s irascible expression.
“There’s
nothing to talk about.” She
unlocked her car door and tossed her purse to the passenger’s seat but
did not get in.
“You’ve apologized – numerous times, in fact. And I’ve forgiven you.”
“I
know,” he replied from where he stood, near the back of her car. “But there’s more to it
than that and you know it.”
Planting hands
on her hips, Janet fixed him with a hard stare and said, “Oh really? Care to clue me in on exactly what it
is I’m supposed to know?”
Risking a
couple of steps closer, Daniel began, “Look, I know all three of us
behaved badly and that we treated you with disrespect and impatience. And I know that we’ve apologized
and you’ve forgiven us.”
He took a breath, released it slowly, and gave her a determined look
of his own. “You’re
back to your normal self with Sam and Jack, but with me you’re not.”
Janet’s
gaze remained implacable and for a second Daniel thought she might actually
deny it. Then her eyes fell away
and she whispered, “I know.”
A sigh of
relief escaped his lips. Maybe
they’d find some means of resolution to this mess after all. “Janet, what have I done to
upset you?” he asked.
“Can’t you tell me?
I only want to make things right.”
“I
know that,” she replied, voice rising with some of her original ire. “But this is not something you
can—” she waved her hand in an erratic gesture before finally
dropping it to her side again in frustration. “It’s not something you
can just fix.”
Brow
furrowing in puzzlement he responded, “How can I even try if you
won’t tell me what the problem is?”
Abruptly
flinging her arms above her head Janet shouted, “The problem is you!” She closed the distance between them
in two long strides and jabbed a finger at his chest. “I understand that the armbands
were affecting you physiologically and mentally, but dammit
Daniel, I expected better of you.”
Caught
off guard by her proximity and the vehemence of her tirade, Daniel took a step
back and held up his hands.
“Mind explaining what you mean by that?”
Linking
her arms across her chest she glared at him and shot back, “Oh come
on! Am I supposed to assume that you’re
that fickle? Or are you simply
forgetful?”
He
remained uncertain as to exactly why she was upset but enough of the pieces
were falling into place now that Daniel began to feel his own blood rise at
what she was insinuating. “Am
I to interpret that to be a reference to my recent confession of how I feel
about you?”
She
raised her eyebrows, chin tilting slightly, as if to say the answer was
obvious.
Leaning
forward he snapped at her, “Oh, and so just because I care about you as
more than a friend, even though I’m not to be anything more to you than
a friend, I’m somehow expected to behave better than all your other friends?” Not waiting for a response he thrust a
finger in her face and growled, “You’re
the one who wanted to keep our relationship within the bounds of
friendship. You can’t have
it both ways, Janet.”
“I
don’t want it both ways,” she countered, her voice low. “But neither did I ask you to
dump your revelation on me, giving me reason to doubt where things really
stand between us. I was happy with the way things
were.” She began to move
toward him again, slowly pressing him back until he felt his legs make
contact with one of the parked vehicles.
“But now I know how you feel, Daniel. And I can’t just forget, or
pretend it doesn’t change things.
Now I’m confused and hurt and scared.”
“Scared?”
he retorted incredulously. Tired
of fighting his growing exasperation, Daniel pushed away from the car and,
using the advantage of his height, towered over her. “This isn’t
fear I’m seeing and hearing – this is anger.”
Janet didn’t
back down. “Of course
I’m angry! I’m angry
that this ever happened.
I’m angry because it’s dredged up everything I worked so
hard to bury. And I hate that
it’s made me question my feelings all
over again!”
“Question
what feelings?” Daniel bellowed.
“You made it quite clear how you feel on the matter. What is there to question about
‘let’s just be frien—’”
he broke off suddenly, eyes widening in understanding.
For
several heartbeats they simply stood there, staring at one another. As Daniel searched her face he could
detect no denial in Janet’s expression. The awareness that she did feel something for him and yet had
chosen to hide those feelings, even in light of his confession, confused and
angered him. But in the cold
silence that lingered, he could feel the fury from their altercation slowly
fading, leaving him with nothing but a hollow emptiness.
Shaking
his head slowly, Daniel released all his anguish in a single word. “Why?”
Janet
held his gaze, her eyes beginning to glisten with tears now. But she gave no reply.
“So,”
he began, his voice raw, “this is really what
you want?” When she averted
her eyes and lowered her head he didn’t know any other way to take it
than as acquiescence.
Sighing
heavily, he raked a hand through his hair. “Okay,” he whispered in
defeat.
She
glanced up at him then and for one hopeful second Daniel thought she might
change her mind. Then she drew
her bottom lip over her teeth and nodded acknowledgement. Without another word she pivoted,
marched back to her car, and got inside.
He
desperately wanted to go after her.
Surely there was something he could do or say to convince her things
could be worked out. But he stood
in silence, another part of his heart breaking with the realization that it
was going to end this way, and watched her drive away.
~ THE END
~
|