|
Suggested
Rating: for teen and
older readers
Category: Daniel/Janet friendship
Setting: Following the events if Tin Man.
Synopsis: Daniel notices Janet is behaving a
little oddly after SG-1 returns from PX3-989.
Author’s
Comments: Part 6 in The Journey series. Found myself wrestling with this one
more than I thought I would – although I don’t know if that really has much of anything to do with
the finished product or not.
<shrug>
Sonia’s editing went above and beyond the call of duty this time
too, so anything that remains “wrong” is decidedly my fault. ; )
DISCLAIMER: All
publicly recognizable characters and places (the Stargate SG-1 stuff)
are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created
for entertainment only and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was
intended. Previously unrecognized
characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living
or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
LEAVING NOTHING UNSETTLED
- by
Michelle Lunsford (March 2005)
“Doctor
Frasier, do you have anything else to add?”
Daniel
absently tapped his pen against the cover of his debriefing file as he waited
to hear an answer to the general’s question.
“No
sir. All the test results
indicate the health status of SG-1 is identical to when they left on the
mission to PX3-989. If there were
going to be any residual effects from Harlan’s procedure, I suspect
they would have shown signs by now.”
Feeling
her gaze on him, Daniel looked up and momentarily caught her eye as she cast
a stern look at the members seated around the table.
In a tone
that brooked no debate she continued, “However, if any of you notice
anything out of the ordinary in the next 24 to 36 hours – even the
slightest little thing – I want you to inform me or one of my staff
immediately.”
“And
I shouldn’t even have to say this, but consider that an order,”
the general added.
Several
seconds of silence held before Hammond
gave the dismissal. Sam and Janet
immediately stood as the general rose to exit the conference room. Somewhat more slowly, but no less
respectfully, Jack stood as well.
Briefly Daniel considered standing too – he still wasn’t
accustomed to all this military protocol – but as Hammond was already closing the door to his
office it hardly seemed to matter.
He tapped his pen against the file cover again.
“Is
something disturbing you, Daniel Jackson?”
Daniel glanced
up to find his Jaffa
friend gazing at him with a stoic expression that somehow still managed to
communicate concern. He noticed
the room was empty now, and wondered how long he’d been sitting there
lost in thought.
“No,
Teal’c, I’m fine.”
He stood and gathered his papers.
“Suffering a little gate lag, perhaps, but that’s
all.” It had been
mid-morning when they’d begun the recent mission, but according to the
debriefing the team had been gone for almost 21 hours. “Say, you wanna grab something
to eat?”
“Thank
you, but I must decline,” Teal’c answered, giving a slight nod of
his head. “After recent
events I feel I should engage in kel-no-reem for a time.”
“Ah,
right,” Daniel replied.
“I’ll see you later, then.”
As he
made his way down the stairs Daniel considered his exchange with
Teal’c. While it was true
that the variations in time cycles one encountered in gate travel often threw
him for a loop – something that had been compounded by his being kept
unconscious for a significant part of the time they’d been on
Harlan’s planet – he knew his gate lag wasn’t the real
reason for the odd sensation that kept prickling at him. Maybe
I’m just out of sorts because of encountering a synthetic version of
myself, he reflected as he walked down the hall. Still, he suspected that wasn’t
the true cause either. Certainly
being duplicated had been a strange
experience, but it had also been fascinating. He’d even secretly regretted
that they couldn’t remain on PX3-989 longer – he’d really
wanted to ask Harlan some questions regarding the procedure.
Daniel
turned the corner, his musings cut short as he spotted a familiar figure
waiting for the elevator.
She looks really tired, he noted, seeing the way Janet
leaned wearily against the wall.
He knew from the debriefing that she’d been on duty when their
synthetic versions had returned through the gate last night. But
surely her shift ended hours ago.
I wonder why she was still here when we got back?
Stepping
up beside her he eased his hands into his pockets and softly asked,
“Hey, are you feeling okay?”
Janet
straightened but kept her eyes forward.
“Just tired,” she replied. There was something in her tone that
hinted at more than fatigue and Daniel felt that strange niggling sense
he’d been experiencing increase a fraction.
“Long
night, huh?” he asked as the elevator doors opened and they stepped
inside.
Janet
nodded but made no further reply, continuing to avert her gaze. He couldn’t be sure, but it
appeared she was trying to stand as far from him as possible in the small
space.
When he
was unable to bear the silence any longer, Daniel asked, “Are you sure
there’s nothing wrong?”
He could
see she was watching him from the corner of her eye. She remained quiet several seconds
more, then sighing heavily she finally admitted, “This is the first
time I’ve had to work a night shift since adopting Cassandra. I’m just really anxious to get
home before she gets in from school today.”
“Oh,”
he said. No wonder she’s so out of sorts. He waited a couple of heartbeats
before adding aloud, “I would have thought you’d already gone
home after your shift ended.
Why’d you decide to remain on base?”
She
turned her face to him then and he saw her brow was knitted over questioning
eyes, her mouth drawn in a tight frown.
Daniel was thrown off balance by her expression but it was gone as
instantly as it had appeared, her face quickly becoming impassive again. The elevator halted on her floor, the
doors opened, and she stepped out, barely bothering to offer a hastily
mumbled farewell.
Daniel
was still staring after her, completely befuddled, as the elevator closed to
continue its ascent.
* ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^
The words
on the page began to blur and Daniel blinked in an attempt to regain his
focus. But even after reading the
sentence again he had to admit being at a loss. Face
it, you haven’t really comprehended anything you’ve been working
on for the past forty five minutes – maybe it’s time to take a
break.
Easing
back in his chair Daniel slipped off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He reached for his recently emptied
mug and stood, repositioning his spectacles as he moved toward the coffee
pot. Leaning against the table
that stood in the middle of his lab, he took a sip of the hot brew and gazed
around the room.
He’d
attempted a variety of ways to ignore it – working, eating, even going
to the gym for a brief workout.
But the mild disquiet that had begun earlier that morning had steadily
grown throughout the day and Daniel was beginning to realize he was simply
going to have to deal with it.
The
trouble was he remained uncertain how to do that.
Well, not entirely uncertain, his inner voice reminded
him. You know why you’re having this feeling, you’re just not
sure the best way to resolve it.
He took
another slow sip of coffee, mentally replaying the events of the day.
He’d
figured out that the source of this mysterious disturbance was somehow
related to Janet. Admittedly
there was still a lot about his doctor that he didn’t know, even after
having worked with her for almost a year. And he’d seen her exhibit hints
of weariness and even frustration from time to time. But something about her mood today
hadn’t been quite right.
He’d noticed it first in the way she conducted their
post-mission exams, and then later, during the debriefing.
Then there was her behavior at the
elevator, he
considered. No matter how tired,
or even angry, he’d seen Janet before, Daniel couldn’t remember a
time when she’d been so distant toward him. And the look she’d given him,
before walking away – it was almost as if she was staring at a
stranger.
Sighing
heavily, Daniel set his mug down on the table and crossed his arms. He knew that was part of what irked
him as well – the notion that if something was bothering Janet,
she’d chosen not to talk to him about it. Not that he felt he held the market in
terms of her friendship, but she had
talked with him before when something troubled her.
Maybe whatever this is, it’s
just something she can’t share with you, he thought. Maybe
it’s something she’d rather discuss with Sam. But then he remembered that Janet had
behaved just as oddly toward all of SG-1 today.
Well, he silently concluded, regardless of the situation, I just want
to make sure Janet knows she can talk to me if she wants to.
Coming to
a decision, Daniel checked his watch.
It was late enough that he probably wouldn’t be interrupting
dinner, but still early enough that he wouldn’t be disturbing any
bed-time rituals either. It only
took a few minutes to look up the information in the directory. Then, before he could talk himself out
of it, he dialed the number.
The
answer finally came in the middle of the forth ring. “Hello?”
“Hi,
Janet,” he said.
“It’s Daniel.
I, um, hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time.”
“Oh
no,” came the quick assurance.
“Cassandra and I were just finishing up the last of her
homework.”
“Ah,
good.”
When he
didn’t continue, Janet curiously inquired from her end, “So,
what’s up?”
“Um,
nothing really,” he casually replied. “A little translating, trying to
catalog some of the last batch of artifacts that were brought back from
recent missions – you know, the usual.”
“I
see.”
There
followed a rather expectant pause in which Daniel began to realize this was,
in fact, the first time he’d ever called Janet at her home. No doubt she was wondering why.
It was
only a couple of seconds later when Janet gave voice to his thoughts. “Daniel, is there a particular
reason why you called?”
He was
surprised to suddenly find himself a little nervous. She
prefers for people to be straightforward, no beating around the bush, he
reminded himself and then answered, “Actually, yes. I wanted to call and make sure you were…
well, that you were feeling all right.”
“Oh.” There was a confused hesitancy as she
added, “I’m fine, thank you.” And then, after another slight pause,
“Is there some reason why I shouldn’t be?”
“Well,
you just seemed very… preoccupied today,” Daniel admitted,
“during the post-mission exam and the debriefing. And then at the elevator…”
he anxiously twiddled the phone cord between his fingers. “Well, maybe it was just me, but
I almost got the impression I’d said something to offend you.”
“Oh,
that,” Janet said, her reluctant sigh echoing across the line. She continued, “Listen Daniel,
can you hold on for just a sec?”
He heard
Janet calling to her daughter in the background, something about popcorn
being finished, and the sound of a microwave being opened and closed. Then there was a slight scrapping, as
if a chair had been moved, and Janet’s voice was back on the line. “Okay, about today… I
guess I owe you an apology for that.”
Daniel
felt his eyebrows reflexively shoot up.
“An apology?”
“I was rather out of sorts, and now that
I think about it I believe I was blaming everyone a little bit for not
understanding why I was feeling that way. And yet, there’s not really any
way you could understand – none of you
were there.”
Daniel
blinked and replayed her entire response in his head again. But it still made no sense. “Um, I’m sorry Janet, but
I’m really confused now.”
“Of
course you are,” she answered, and Daniel could easily imagine a
slightly amused smile playing across her face. “Let me try to
explain.” There was a
silent pause and Daniel leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on
the desk as he waited for her to continue.
“One
of the things I’ve learned in my work at the SGC is to expect the
unexpected,” she began.
“And I know it can be very dangerous at times. We have to be always on our
guard. But what happened last
night… When that mechanical
version of Colonel O’Neill took a scalpel and sliced open his arm
– thankfully my training kicked in and I followed all the proper
protocols, but for the first time I realized that one of our teams could be
so totally compromised and we might
never know the difference until it was too late.” Her words were tumbling out more
rapidly as she went on.
“They looked and acted exactly
like you. Until that moment I
thought they were you.”
Daniel
eased back in his seat again as the pieces slowly fell into place. He hadn’t tried to imagine how
the scenario played out from the perspective of everyone at the SGC, when the
synthetics had first been discovered.
It made sense how the whole thing could be a little unnerving.
“But
the worst of it was when I realized--” Janet suddenly broke off and was
quiet for some time. When she
spoke again, her voice was much softer, and Daniel reflexively pushed the
receiver closer to his ear.
“Daniel, I’ll never forget how it felt when that other
version of you turned to me and tried to reassure me that it was you… I realized then that I
was actually afraid. And I hate being afraid.”
He could
hear the tension in her voice and her frustration at herself. He also found it a bit troubling to
learn that it was an action of his
synthetic self that had led Janet to her realization. But before he could even consider a reply
she was already talking again, her tone heavy with emotion.
“And
then later, when the synthetics suddenly began to power down and we had to
send them back through the gate – there was no way to know what had
happened to the real SG-1, or if we might ever see you again. I don’t know what had disturbed
me more – the fact that I’d been so frightened by the surreal
nature of the situation or facing the idea that my friends might be dead. It was awful!
When she
finally paused again Daniel still wasn’t sure how to reply. Her reaction was reasonable, but the
intensity of it had taken him aback.
All he knew for certain was that he regretted she’d had to
endure such an unpleasant circumstance.
“I’m
sorry, Janet,” Daniel said simply.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. And I’m sorry I never stopped to
consider how this must have appeared from your point of view.”
“That’s
okay,” Janet replied, more calm now. “I don’t blame you for
that.”
He got the
distinct impression she had purposefully left something out in that last
comment. “But,
there’s something else you do blame me for?” he pressed.
There was
a reluctant sigh from the other end of the line.
“Janet,
if I’ve done something to upset you, please tell me.”
“It
just seemed that when SG-1 finally did return – of course, we were all
relieved to see you were safe – but afterward, I admit, I was offended
that you seemed oblivious regarding how horrible it had been from our end. But I quickly figured out that was
absurd – you couldn’t have known what was going on back at the
SGC. You didn’t even know
that synthetic versions of yourself had come back through the gate.” She paused for a second, and Daniel
could almost imagine her fixing him with one of her steely gazes as she
continued,” but then I began to realize that you were just so damn fascinated by the whole thing. In fact, with the possible exception
of Colonel O’Neill, you all seemed to treat it as just another mission
– no big deal.”
Daniel
considered carefully how to answer.
He understood what she was saying. But he also knew there’d been no
ill intention in his response to this mission. Yes, it had fascinated him. But to respond any differently would
have been out of the question.
“I
am sorry that my reaction to this has been a source of… well, that
it’s somehow upset you,” he said sincerely. “But I want you to understand,
this is who I am – things like this are always going to fascinate
me. I can’t change
that.”
“I
know,” she quickly responded.
“And believe me, now that I’ve had a little time to
process through all this…
Listen, Daniel – it was a lot of things. I wasn’t just upset because of
everything that had happened during the mission. I was also exhausted because I’d
opted to stay and work a double shift – I wanted to be on base if any
word came about what had happened to SG-1. And, even though I knew things had
been taken care of concerning Cassandra, I was still worried about spending
the night away from her. All of
it just added together, and when you spoke to me at the elevator –
well, I guess I just didn’t feel like I could deal with it right
then. I’m sorry.”
“No,
it’s all right,” Daniel reassured. “I understand. I just want to be sure… I mean,
you’re okay now?
You’re not upset any more?”
“No,
I’m not upset any more.”
He sensed
the warmth of her smile through her voice and was surprised to find just how
much that allayed his concern.
And as the sense of disquiet he’d experienced all day began to
dissipate, he felt himself smiling in return. “Good,” he replied
enthusiastically.
“That’s good.”
“So,”
Janet began after a short pause, a hint of curiosity in her tone, “you
called to make sure I was all right… have you actually been worried
about me all afternoon then?”
Unexpectedly
Daniel felt warmth spreading in his cheeks. “Well, not worried exactly, but just, um – I mean, yeah, a good dose
of genuine friendly concern you might say.”
A tiny
chuckle suddenly echoed from the other end of the phone. But there was no teasing in it, Daniel
noted. If anything, it was more
like affectionate appreciation – a notion that seemed to be confirmed
by her next words.
“That’s
really sweet, Daniel. Thank
you.”
His smile
grew a little bigger.
“You’re welcome.”
“And
I’m glad you called,” she continued. “I feel better knowing there
isn’t anything unsettled hanging between us.”
“Me
too. And, since all is well now,
I won’t keep you. I’m
sure it’s getting close to Cassandra’s bedtime anyway.”
“Yeah,
soon.”
“Be
sure and give her my love.”
“Of
course,” Janet answered.
“And you better not stay up working all through the night either
– that’s an order, Doctor Jackson.”
“Yes
ma’am,” Daniel replied good naturedly.
“I’ll
see you at work tomorrow. Good
night, Daniel.”
“Good
night.”
The line
went dead and Daniel hung up the phone.
He leaned back, stretching his arms and locking his fingers behind his
head, reviewing the past several minutes in his mind. He was
glad he’d called. It
wasn’t as if this had been some major rift between him and Janet, but
– as she’d said – it wasn’t good to let anything
unsettled hang between them. He
considered her too good of a friend to allow that.
A new
idea suddenly occurred to him and he quickly sat upright, studying the now
silent telephone. Oh, why not? he thought. I’ve
got Jack and Sam’s home numbers programmed already – might as
well have all my friends included.
Following the prompts on the tiny message screen, Daniel added
Janet’s home phone to his office speed dial, then pulled out his
cellular and did the same. Then
he turned attention to the stack of books and papers on his desk.
A
spontaneous yawn escaped and Janet’s friendly reprimand came unbidden
to his mind again. You better not stay up working all through
the night.
She’s right, he silently agreed. There was no emergency that required
this translation be completed tonight.
And now that the irritating perturbation was finally gone, Daniel suspected
a good night’s rest might actually be possible. Leaving everything where it sat
– so he could return to it in the morning – he turned off the
lights, casually whistling as he headed for the locker room to change clothes
for home.
~ FINIS ~
|