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Suggested
Rating: for teen and
older readers
Category: Dan/Jan with a bit of angst
Setting: following the events of Past and Present
Synopsis: Janet questions her motives and
Daniel’s behavior regarding Ke’ra
Author’s
Comments: Part 14 in The Journey series. Many thanks to Sonia for her edits and
suggestions.
DISCLAIMER: All
publicly recognizable characters and places (the Stargate
SG-1 stuff) are the property of MGM, World Gekko
Corp and Double Secret Productions.
This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment only and no
infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and
places, and this story, are creations of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living
or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the
author.
THE RIGHT THING TO DO
- by
Michelle Lunsford (January 2007)
“Mom,
are you okay?”
It
wasn’t until Janet registered the touch of Cassandra’s hand,
which had been solidly placed on her arm, that she became
aware her daughter had been speaking.
“I’m
sorry, what were you saying?”
Cassandra
blinked, and Janet sensed the girl’s unease in the way Cassie’s
brows knit together over slightly narrowed eyes, the way that small hand
remained heavy at her elbow.
“I
said your tea is ready.”
She pointed at the steaming brew sitting on the counter and Janet
realized she’d completely forgotten it. “Didn’t you hear the timer
go off?”
“Sorry,”
Janet answered, making an effort to appear casual as she held the tea sac
above the cup to drain, before tossing it in the trash. “I guess my mind was somewhere
else.”
“Your
mind has been somewhere else all night,” Cassandra rejoined. “Is something bothering
you?”
Janet met
that level stare and wondered exactly when her thirteen-year-old daughter had
become so adept at reading her.
“I
just had a rough time at work the past few days.” She reached out, lovingly brushing her
fingers through Cassandra’s hair.
The girl’s genuine concern had dispelled her gloom, if only
momentarily, and she wanted to appreciate it while it lasted. “But it’s nothing serious,
or for you to worry about, Sweetie.”
Cassandra
seemed to be vacillating about her acceptance of that answer, but eventually
she nodded and turned away.
“Well, I’ve loaded the dishwasher, and all my homework is
finished. Is it okay if I watch a
movie until time for bed?”
“Under one condition,” Janet replied as she retrieved
milk from the fridge for her tea.
“Get the laundry basket on my bed and fold the clothes in it
while you watch.”
“Sure. Thanks, Mom.” With a slight wave of her hand,
Cassandra skipped out of the kitchen.
Now that looks more like the
little girl I know and love, Janet thought.
But the amused reflection was short-lived and as she made her way to
the table the dark mood threatened to overwhelm her once more.
“I
can’t believe I allowed myself to go this far.” The murmur came out in a single
disgruntled huff as she slumped down in one of the chairs. Crossing
the line between friendship and professionalism is one thing, but this…
this is inexcusable.
At the
time, it had seemed like just another ordinary event at the SGC. Granted, happenings at the SGC were
never ordinary, but she had come to
accept that complication, the unexpected, and misadventure
were status quo – especially when SG-1 was involved. But this instance had quickly spiraled
into a nightmare for her. And
Janet wasn’t sure she’d be able to bounce back this time.
Except that I have to, her inner voice pressed. Because
this time the nightmare was personal.
And I can’t allow anyone to know how deeply it’s affected
me. Especially not him.
She
watched the milky amber liquid in her cup swirl as she slowly stirred with a
spoon, forcing herself to focus on something other than the torrent of
emotions that had her stomach churning.
But the diversion proved futile.
The thoughts clamored for attention and with a resigned sigh Janet set
the utensil aside.
And the craziest part is that I
don’t even blame him. I
can’t.
She
almost laughed at the absurdity of it.
Jealousy had reared its ugly head, and in so doing Daniel Jackson had
managed to cut her to the quick.
Of course, it hadn’t been intentional. He didn’t even realize
he’d hurt her. How could he, conscience rebuked, when I’ve been so careful to hide
how I really feel about him?
Of
course, there was more to it than that.
This wasn’t the first time she and Daniel hadn’t seen eye
to eye on a matter. But in such
instances, they’d always been able to work around the difference. And this time, it wasn’t even a case
strictly in difference of opinion.
She’d had medical knowledge to back up the situation. It just happened to be medical
knowledge that put her squarely at odds with Daniel’s belief that Ke’ra was not
Linea because she no longer remembered her past. Thus it was, during that tense
debriefing, that Janet had spoken firmly regarding the DNA results. And Daniel’s words, spoken so
harshly and contemptuously in response, still echoed in her mind.
Irrefutable! Okay, so, let’s just lock her up
and throw away the key then. Or,
better yet, we could send her back to the prison where we found her.
But even
for that, she could, in time, forgive him. Unfortunately, this pain ran deeper. For it was during the debriefing that
she’d realized Daniel had truly fallen for Ke’ra. Janet believed that Daniel had, in a
sense, been grieving the loss of Sha’re for a
long time before his wife ever died, and thus would be able to move on from that
event perhaps more quickly than some might give him credit for. Still, it had genuinely shocked her to
discover he could become entangled in romance so soon.
A new thought
suddenly came, unbidden, and she felt a sting prickling at the back of her
throat as tears began to well. Maybe I just don’t know him as well
as I thought I did.
“Damn,”
she cursed, angrily wiping at moisture that escaped down her cheeks and then standing
so quickly that her chair nearly toppled.
For the
next several heartbeats she simply stood there, fists clenched at her sides
and desperately hoping her daughter wouldn’t walk in and see her this
way. Then slowly, with measured
intent, Janet forced her breathing to become more even. Her fingers relaxed against her
thighs. Finally she dabbed at the
last traces of tears with the edge of one sleeve, picked up her barely
touched mug of tea, and walked toward the sink.
When you make a mistake, do what
you can to maintain damage control, and learn from the experience. It was one of the first mantras
she’d learned from her father.
And now it was time to see if she could put it into practice.
So I allowed myself to cross the
line, she mused,
pouring her tea down the kitchen drain.
I allowed my feelings, for
someone who is both a friend and a patient, to interfere with my work. This couldn’t be denied. It had scalded her conscience badly
enough to have to admit that she and Sam needed Ke’ra
in order to devise any potential antidote for the Vorlix. But at least in that she could reason
it was absolutely necessary for the good of the many. What she had done afterward had been
worse. Yes, Linea had agreed to
the procedure, had even formulated the serum that would allow her to forget and
become Ke’ra again. And, in a twisted sense of logic, it
was for her own good. But Janet’s primary motivation
for going through with a process that would willingly cause harm to a patient was simply because Daniel had
asked her to help. To help him,
and to help a woman for whom he obviously cared very deeply.
Damage
control would be the easy part.
They’d help to restore the memories of an entire world. SGC personnel would keep tabs on the
planet to make sure the people could really overcome the complications caused
by the Vorlix.
And Janet felt certain Lodal and his wife
could be trusted to keep the secret of Ke’ra’s
true identity. For her part, she
would dive into her work. There
would be more crises down the road to take up her attention. No one need know her deepest thoughts
and feelings on the matter.
But the
lesson she’d take from this experience was an especially painful
one. For Janet knew now what she
had to do.
I can still maintain the
friendship, but I must distance myself from him. Her knuckles began to turn white where
she gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. I’ve
got to bury these feelings. I
won’t allow myself to fall in love with Daniel. I can’t allow it. Not now, not ever.
A strange
sort of calm settled on her with that silent resolution. The pain was still distinct. And she did not doubt that some small
part of her heart would always be wounded over this. But she was convinced it was the right
thing to do. And in that
conviction, she could move on.
Releasing
her grip, Janet stepped away from the counter. No
more pining, she affirmed. I’ve survived worse, and I’ll
survive this too. And taking
a deep breath, she strode from the room to go join her daughter.
~ THE END
~
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