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Title: That’s What Friends Are For
Suggested
Rating: for teen and older
readers
Category: Daniel/Sam friendship, drama
Season: Season 3
Spoilers: Forever in a Day, Past
and Present
Author’s Comments: A tag scene for the events of Past
and Present. This is actually
the first Stargate SG-1 fan fiction piece I wrote. While I enjoyed this episode –
and I understand that it was not originally intended to be shown immediately
after Forever in a Day, but the scheduling inadvertently ended up that
way - I felt Daniel needed opportunity to explain his actions somewhat.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly
recognizable characters and places (the Stargate SG-1 stuff) are the
property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created
for entertainment only and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was
intended. Previously unrecognized
characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living
or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the
author.
THAT’S WHAT
FRIENDS ARE FOR
by Michelle Lunsford
(2003)
Daniel sat on his bed, legs
outstretched, staring blankly at the wall. He wasn’t seeing the wall
– he wasn’t seeing anything in particular – so lost was he
in his own thoughts.
Somewhere in the periphery of his awareness, Daniel detected a light
rapping sound. He continued staring. The rap repeated, longer and more
insistent. He stared. Finally, there was a voice, familiar
and calling his name. Forcibly,
Daniel pulled himself from the trance and turned to find Sam standing in his
doorway. How long, he wondered, had she been standing there?
“Hi,
Sam.” Somehow he managed a
slight smile.
Sam responded with a
smile of her own. “I was
talking with the Colonel and Teal’c. Since we’ve got a 48-hour leave
coming up, we were thinking about going out for pizza tonight. I think Janet’s going to tag
along too. You want to
come?”
Daniel let his gaze
return to the wall.
“I’m not sure I’d be very good company right
now.”
His teammate didn’t
take the bait, and remained in the doorway. But, Daniel mused to himself, his comment wasn’t actually meant as a
dismissal. Then again, he
hadn’t intended it to be an invitation either.
“You’re
wondering if I’m going to be okay,” he said, his gaze still
locked on the wall.
Sam shifted her feet
slightly.
“Are
you?” When Daniel
didn’t respond immediately, she added, “If you don’t want
to talk about it, I can go away.
I just wanted you to know I’m here. We’re all here for you.”
Daniel sat unmoving as
Sam waited. From the corner of
his eye, he could see her, a concerned expression clearly on her face. When she finally dropped her
head and turned to leave, Daniel sighed in resignation. Might as well get it over with.
“Sam?”
She turned back
immediately. “Yes?”
With an effort, he pulled
his gaze once more from the silent wall.
“You got a few minutes?”
“Sure.”
She was across the room
in seconds, sitting gently on the corner of his bed. Daniel noticed her hand rise, as
if to reach out and touch his leg.
But she hesitated just slightly, and let it fall onto the bedcovers
instead.
He couldn’t quite
meet her gaze, but at least the wall had lost its appeal, and he absently
studied his boots as he considered how to begin.
“I keep wondering
what everyone must think of me,” he admitted.
“Does it really
matter, what other people think?” Sam asked.
He reflected on
that. “Well, not
really.” Somehow, he found
the courage to meet her eyes.
“Except where certain people are concerned.”
“You didn’t
do anything wrong, Daniel,” she assured him.
He nodded, accepting the
truth. “Yes. Because my wife is dead.”
Sam opened her mouth, as
if to comment, but then paused.
Daniel wondered what would come next, if his friend was so seriously
considering her words.
“Do you feel like
you’ve betrayed Sha’re’s memory?” she asked at last.
He let his gaze wander
again. It certainly wasn’t
a new question. He’d asked
himself the same thing numerous times already.
“No, I
don’t,” he replied honestly.
He caught Sam’s eye again.
“But a part of me feels like maybe I should.”
This time she
didn’t reply. She simply
waited. Daniel knew she would let
him talk, if he wanted to. And in
the end, she would not judge him.
It was all Daniel needed to let the dam finally break.
“I never planned
for it to happen,” he began.
“Never even expected it to happen. Well, at least not so soon. But when I first saw
Ke’ra… I mean, I thought she was attractive, yes, but it was her
kindness – the way she was helping the woman with food allergies. There was so much compassion, in every
mannerism and gesture. And
then later, when she began to talk of how she’d studied their
people’s writings, and I could tell even then she was amazingly
intelligent…” he trailed off.
“You felt a
connection?” Sam suggested.
Daniel managed a slight
smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
He paused again, working
through his thoughts. “It
was odd, in a way, but I felt so comfortable just being around her. And the next thing I knew, I was
actually being flirtatious. Well,
flirtatious for me, anyway. And
she seemed to respond, although at first I thought it was just innocent. But then when we came back to the
base, and I was showing her around—”
Feeling suddenly more
open, Daniel pulled his legs up, sitting Indian-style, and leaned in, toward
his friend.
“I began to realize
that there was potential of… something – I don’t know what,
but something real, not just innocent flirtation. And I began to realize that it was
being reciprocated. And all of a
sudden, I wasn’t comfortable anymore.” He stopped, realizing he should
qualify his last statement.
“Well, that’s not entirely true. I still felt comfortable, being with
her, but I suddenly got nervous.”
When he paused again, Sam
took opportunity to pull her own legs onto the bed, and moved into a more
comfortable sitting position.
“Why do you think
that is?” she asked, inviting him to continue.
“I think I
didn’t trust myself.”
Sam’s only response
was a look of puzzlement.
“I loved
Sha’re, very much” Daniel said. “I still love her very
much.”
Sam reached up, gave his
arm a squeeze. “I imagine
some part of you always will, Daniel.
And that’s okay.
That’s as it should be.”
He nodded. “I know. But you see, Sha’re
was the first woman I ever truly loved. I mean, I had other,” he paused
again, searching for the right term.
It wasn’t entirely a perfect meaning, but it was as close as he
could come.
“—realtionships before, but Sha’re
was the first time it was the real thing. You know – the forever and ever,
till death do us part kind of thing.
And so it’s as if she opened up a whole new world to me, of
feelings and experiences I never imagined were possible.”
Sam’s expression
showed she was following him, but she still wasn’t sure where he was
going to end up.
“When Sha’re
finally died – an option that, I admit, I long knew was a real
possibility – it was as if the bottom fell out of my world.”
Sam squeezed his arm
again.
“But strangely
enough, it wasn’t quite as bad as I expected it would be.”
Daniel looked expectantly
at his friend, eagerly wanting her response this time. He’d never confessed this aspect
of his feelings about Sha’re’s death to any of them.
“Well,” Sam
began, “in a way, I suppose you’d already had to deal with the
possibility of living without her.”
Daniel nodded,
agreeing. “Exactly. Not that I ever, ever gave up hope
that we would find her, and save her, but I think a part of me started
grieving her the very day I lost her.”
Here, Daniel had to let
his gaze wander again. The
memories were still too fresh.
“I said as much to
Ke’ra. When we were alone,
and she noticed my hesitancy, I told her that I’d recently lost my
wife. But I had to confess that
the truth was I’d actually lost her a long time ago.”
The pause was longer this
time, and finally Sam broke it.
“I’m still not sure I understand what this has to do with
your not trusting yourself.”
Daniel stared at his
hands, absently fiddling with the corner edges of his military jacket. “Like I said, Sha’re
opened up a new world to me. She
made me realize how it felt to be loved.
More specifically, how it felt to be loved… in that way –
to be totally and completely loved by a woman.”
He paused, wondering if
he should explain further. He
wasn’t even sure he could explain, at least not adequately.
“And I’m not
just talking about sex,” he finally admitted, risking a glance at his
friend to gauge her response.
A slight smile was
fighting at the corners of her mouth, but all she said was, “I kind of
gathered that, Daniel. Go
on.”
His attention returned to
the activity of his hands.
“And so when I met Ke’ra, and saw for the first time that
option open to me again… I mean, to realize
she was actually interested in me – that she responded to me…
I’m not sure I trusted myself not to take advantage of that – of
those feelings.”
He forced himself to meet
Sam’s eyes, not sure what he would find there. He was pretty certain it
wouldn’t be condemnation, but beyond that, he couldn’t guess.
She was smiling, that
same amused yet charmed smile she’d worn on their first meeting, when
she’d confessed she’d known she would like him. Sam slid a little closer, reached out
and grasped his hand.
“Daniel, you are
one of the most considerate, most caring, and most passionate men I’ve
ever known. You have such a vast
capacity for love and affection – you have so much to give. How can you possibly think that to
respond as you did, to give of yourself – to someone who was offering
her own affections to you, I might add – was in some way taking
advantage of the situation?”
Touched by her sincere
words, Daniel looked away sheepishly and shrugged.
“I’m not
trying to demean your feelings here,” she went on. “I’m just saying
that I don’t think anything you did was untoward or out of line. And I’d be willing to bet that
the Colonel and Teal’c – and probably even Janet – would
agree.”
They sat, in
companionable silence.
‘What’, he wondered, ‘did I ever do to deserve such
wonderful friends?’
“In the end, I knew
I had to let her go back, without telling her the truth about what we’d
shared,” Daniel admitted softly.
“Yes,” Sam
agreed. “And I’m so
sorry, Daniel. After everything
you’ve been through—”
Daniel met her eyes, and
was a little surprised to see tears brimming there. He gave her hand a squeeze.
You deserve
better,” she finally replied.
“You deserve more.”
Daniel gave her a stern
look. “I’m not the
only one on the team who has suffered losses,” he reminded.
A quick nod was her only
reply.
The silence fell around
them again, warm and comfortable, and Daniel realized he’d said all he
wanted to say. He held onto her
hand a moment longer, relishing the feeling of friendship and comfort it offered. Then he let out a small sigh, and
leaned back against the head of his bed.
Sam took his cue and
released his hand. “So, are
you up for that pizza date with us?”
Carefully, Daniel
considered his options.
He’d just had a wonderful release of emotions, talking with his
friend. She hadn’t
said much – she hadn’t needed to. He’d just wanted someone besides
his own self to listen to the thoughts running through his mind. So, he could continue to sit
here, wallow in self-pity a bit longer, and eventually make his way to his
apartment. Or, he could go out
and be with his friends – the ones who would listen if he wanted to
talk about it some more, or who would simply welcome his company and not ask
any questions. He could be with
the people who cared about him.
He could be with the people who loved him. In the end, it wasn’t a decision
at all.
“Yeah,” he
agreed. “Sounds good. What time?”
Sam moved to get up from
the bed, but just couldn’t manage to hide the relieved grin that broke
across her face. “We were
planning to head out about seven.”
Daniel slid off the bed
to stand beside her.
“I’ll be ready.”
She turned to go, but
Daniel caught her by the arm. As
she turned, he tried to put all the appreciation he felt for her, for what
she meant to him, into his expression and tone.
“Thanks,” he
said softly.
“You’re
welcome.”
Then, on impulse, he
leaned down, and kissed her cheek.
“What was that
for?” Sam asked, looking a little bewildered.
“Just for being
you,” he replied.
“For being my friend.”
Daniel didn’t think
it was possible, but her grin actually grew.
“See you tonight,” Sam called, as she turned
and headed out the door.
~ End ~
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