Suggested
Rating: for teen and older readers
Category: Daniel/Janet established relationship
Setting: during and following the events of The First Ones episode
Synopsis: Since beginning a relationship, Daniel and Janet
deal with lack of time together and the dangers of off-world missions.
Author’s
Comments: Part 24 in The Journey series. Thanks
to my beta and editor, Sonia. You’re the
best!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly
recognizable characters and places (the Stargate SG-1 stuff) are the
property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for
entertainment only and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was
intended. Previously unrecognized
characters and places, and this story, are creations of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or
dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART
GROW FONDER
- by Michelle Lunsford (January 2008)
Daniel headed down the corridor, his
long-legged stride making quick work of the distance, but as he reached the
room his momentum came to an abrupt halt.
He glanced around, crinkling his forehead in confusion. Hadn’t that nurse assured him that Doctor
Frasier had been heading directly for her office?
“Um… Janet?” he queried into the empty
room.
“Under here,” came a muffled reply from the
vicinity of her desk.
Curious, Daniel entered and stepped around
the desk. The sight of that petite form,
on hands and knees and crammed almost completely into the tiny space below,
brought an instant smile to his face.
“Lose something?” he asked, unable to keep the amusement from his tone.
“Only my patience if I don’t find this da—ah,
here it is!” Squirming out from beneath
the desk, Janet held up the object in triumph.
Daniel leaned forward and squinted. “What is that?”
“An earring,” she replied matter-of-factly
before slipping it into her earlobe. She
seemed oblivious to still being sprawled on the floor beside her desk, the skirt
of her uniform riding perhaps a bit higher above the knee than was strictly
military. “Cassie made them for me in
art class. Unfortunately the backs are a
little loose. I knew it was probably a
bad idea to wear them to work,” Janet paused to blow at a wisp of auburn hair
that had fallen over her forehead, “but she was so pleased when I put them on
this mor—what the devil is so funny?”
“Not funny,” Daniel corrected, not bothering
to mask his grin. “Adorable.”
She narrowed her eyes at him just as the
contrary wisp of hair fell forward again.
“Fine. Then what the devil is so
adorable?”
Squatting beside her, his smile softened as
he met her gaze. “You are, of course.”
She held the stern expression for another
second, but then her own smile smoothed it away. “Here,” she said, offering her hand. “Help me up off the floor before someone else
comes in to mock me.” Back on her feet
she gave her skirt a quick brush with her hands. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this
visit?”
That was Janet – right back to business
without missing a beat. It was just one
of the many things he adored about her.
“I came by to tell you some good news,” he answered.
Her fingers were working to reposition the
wayward piece of hair but her eyes locked with his. “And?”
“Remember me telling you about P3X-888?”
“I think so,” she replied, hands falling to
her side now that her hair was in place.
“Is that the planet where SG-11 has been doing research? The one you think may be the original
homeworld of Goa'uld symbiotes?”
“That’s the one,” he
confirmed, smiling again. He was so
accustomed to his teammates zoning out when he enthused about his
archaeological interests, that it still elated him to realize Janet paid closer
attention.
“Has there been news
of some new findings from the site?”
Daniel slipped his
hands into his pockets in an effort to keep his enthusiasm in check. “Even better.
I just got word from General Hammond that my request has been approved. I’m gating to 888 at sixteen hundred this
afternoon, to join SG-11 on the dig.”
“Oh. I see.” Janet turned and began to straighten
some papers on her desk. Her tone was
perceptibly flat as she added, “I suppose that is good news.”
Feeling as if the
wind had just been sucked out of his sails, Daniel sighed and slipped off his
glasses. “But obviously not news that
you like,” he muttered, pinching the
bridge of his nose. When she didn’t
answer he did a mental count to three and moved closer, intentionally making
his tone more sympathetic this time.
“Janet, what’s wrong?”
“It’s not that I
don’t understand how much this means to you,” she acknowledged, turning to face
him. “But time hasn’t exactly been on
our side recently.”
Daniel flinched at
the accusation. SG-1 had been busy for weeks
trying to find a suitable planet to relocate the Enkarans. In the midst of that had been the unexpected
but necessary side-trip to Siberia. And
now here he was, going off world for an extended period of time. Easing his glasses back on he tried to
explain. “I know we haven’t been able to
spend any quality time together since that first date, bu—”
“That’s not what I
mean.” Janet shook her head, taking a
few steps to put some distance between them.
“Daniel, I knew when I agreed to this that our relationship wouldn’t
exactly be normal. I understood, with our schedules and
responsibilities, that finding time to be together could prove difficult.”
She had begun pacing
now, and in the momentary silence Daniel wasn’t certain if he was supposed to
respond to her comments or not. “It’s
not as if we haven’t been trying,” he offered, tentatively.
“I know.” She paused in front of him to place a
reassuring hand on his arm. “And believe
me, I appreciate all your efforts in that regard – the way you bring me cups of
coffee now and again, stop by to see if I’m free for lunch, and the phone calls
to my home when you’re not off world.” A
shadow of sadness flickered in her eyes as she dropped her hand and stepped
away again. “But lately, it just hasn’t
seemed like enough.”
Daniel considered
that. In the past few weeks they hadn’t
been able to squeeze in those moments with as much regularity. But something in her expression, as she’d
moved away, hinted there was more to it than she was admitting.
She was at her desk
now, facing away from him, and he crossed the space to her in two quick
strides. His hands had almost come to
rest on her shoulders before he managed to stop himself. Yet
another part of our relationship that proves frustrating at times, he sighed
inwardly, reminding himself of their agreement to maintain a professional
rapport while on duty.
“Is there something
else bothering you about all this?” he asked softly. “Something you’re not telling me?”
Her head bent
forward, but it was several seconds before she finally whispered, “It’s not
only that I miss you, and our time together… I worry about you. Every time you step through the gate, I know
it could mean…”
His first thought was
to remind her it was nothing more than an archaeological mission, and that
SG-11 had encountered no trouble during their previous visits to the
planet. But the trip to Siberia had
seemed relatively safe too, and he’d almost gotten himself killed when that
liquid life-form had taken their sub hostage.
And because he and Janet hadn’t
had any time alone together, he suspected she was still dealing with her
negative emotions related to that close-call.
It was the same old argument.
Every mission was potentially dangerous and they both knew it.
He ached to take her into
his arms and soothe her worries away.
But such an action, here and now, would only make her that much more
uncomfortable. Aiming for what he hoped
was a reasonable compromise, Daniel placed a hand on her upper arm and gently
tugged her around to face him.
“We knew that was
part of the deal,” he said. Remembering
some of those late night phone conversations she’d mentioned, he added, “But
we’ve also talked about how it’s worth the risk.”
“I know.” She nodded, but wouldn’t meet his eyes. “And I hate to keep bringing it up—”
“It’s all right,” he
quickly assured, again fighting the urge to hold her. Talking about such fears was okay, but it
wasn’t the same as offering physical solace.
“I don’t mind. I want you to feel free to talk about it
as often as you need to. Okay?”
Her hesitation was
longer, but when she nodded this time Janet managed to meet his gaze. “So.
Do you know how long you’ll be gone?”
Mustering his
courage, he managed not to look away.
“Just a week to start but, depending on what we find, it could be as
long as four or five.”
Her eyes
widened. “Four or five weeks?”
He opened his mouth
to offer a response, but realized there was no genuine consolation he could
give. Being off world meant no contact
whatsoever. Even if he was only gone for
the week he knew he was going to miss her like crazy.
“Well,” she said
evenly, lacing her arms across her chest.
“I suppose there’s nothing to do except wish you luck.”
“I was hoping for
perhaps a bit more than that,” he asserted, trying not to be put off by her
cool demeanor. “Any chance you’re free
for a quick bite to eat sometime today?”
Janet shook her
head. “My schedule is pretty tight with
meetings and some medical evaluations that have to be done.”
He had no reason to
doubt her, but something about the way she’d explained her unavailability left
him feeling like she was making excuses.
He sighed
heavily. “Then I guess… I’ll see you
when I get back.”
“Right.”
He waited another
couple of heartbeats, hoping she might give some intimation that she regretted
his leaving or even that she was angry.
But she merely drew up her chair and made busy with some files on her
desk, not even offering a verbal farewell as he turned and slipped out the
door.
^
* ^ *
^ * ^
* ^ *
^ * ^
* ^ *
Three Weeks Later
A shrill ringing jolted Daniel from his light
sleep. Reflexively, his hand slapped at
the alarm on his bedside table and he lifted his head to squint at the
clock. It was almost five-thirty in the
evening. Still groggy, his mind
questioned why his alarm would be going off now, following in the next instant
with a query of why he was home in bed at that time of day in the first
place. The ringing blared again and he
realized it was his phone rather than the alarm. Only then did recent events begin to situate
in his mind – debriefing after the mission to 888, Doctor Warner giving him an
all clear but General Hammond ordering him to get some rest anyway, and a
hastily scribbled note he’d left on Janet’s desk to inform her he was heading
home.
He grabbed the phone as it began the third
ring. “Hello?”
“I woke you, didn’t I?” The familiar voice on the other end was
apologetic.
“Yes,” he admitted, rolling over into a more
comfortable position. “But it’s
okay. Hearing your voice is a welcome
interruption.”
There was a momentary pause, and when she
spoke again Janet’s tone was a mixture of medical reprimand and affectionate
concern. “I don’t suppose you’ve eaten
anything?”
“Um…” still a little hazy from sleep, it took
him a second to sort through his memories of arriving at his apartment that
afternoon. Not only had he not eaten, he
hadn’t bothered to change into his sleep pants either. Must
have been more tired than I thought.
Aloud he replied, “No. Unless you
count the ration bar I managed to sneak in between visiting Doctor Warner and
the debriefing.”
“Right,” Janet commented, as if she’d
expected as much. “Listen, I don’t want
to sound presumptuous, but Cassie’s at a friend’s house for a few hours to work
on a presentation for school, and I just got off work and am starving. How about I pick up some take out and drop by
for a visit?”
The idea of spending several hours in Janet’s
company was certainly a pleasant one, but Daniel could still remember the look
on her face from the last time he’d seen her that day. Having returned from P3X-888, his eyes had
automatically sought her out among the white coats he saw mingling in the gate
room. She’d been tending to Captain
Griff’s blast wound, but as her team escorted Griff toward the infirmary she’d
paused, glanced over her shoulder and locked gazes with him. The contact had lasted only a couple of
seconds, but in that instant he’d seen the relief that flashed in her eyes as
she’d managed a cursory professional survey of him. He’d also experienced in that single look the
full implication of how disastrous the mission had been.
“Daniel?”
“Sounds great,” he managed past the
unexpected lump that had lodged in his throat.
“Okay.
I’ll see you shortly.” The line
disconnected.
Replacing the receiver on its hook, he rubbed
tired eyes and sighed. It was supposed
to be a simple archaeological mission.
Three weeks of productive work, without incident, and now all of SG-11
dead – including his friend Robert Rothman – and one of SG-2’s team
wounded. Daniel couldn’t be sure how
much Janet knew about what had happened, but her expression in the gate room
had indicated she’d known enough to be terribly worried about him.
Not
without good reason,
he thought guiltily as he stared toward the ceiling. You
came far too close on this mission to getting killed too.
“All the more reason I should be grateful for
this chance to spend some time with her,” he reminded himself, sitting up and
swinging his legs over the side.
Slipping on his glasses, he caught sight of his reflection in the
mirror. He’d had time to shower before
the debriefing, but not to shave.
As long
as I’m having company, might as well freshen up.
When the buzzer sounded some time later,
Daniel opened the door to find Janet holding a bag of takeout in each
hand. She was dressed in jeans and a
short-sleeved black sweater, her hair hanging loose at her shoulders. Perfectly
beautiful, he thought, struck anew by how much he’d missed seeing her.
“So, are you going to invite me in, or are we
eating Chinese out here in the hallway?”
Her smile was sincere but he caught the tinge of uneasiness in her tone.
“Oh, sorry,” he replied, ushering her inside.
He took one of the bags from her and led the
way toward the kitchen. He turned,
intent on getting some plates from the cupboard, and was nearly knocked off his
feet as Janet tackled him in a bear hug.
She said nothing, but as his stupefaction
began to fade Daniel slipped his arms around her and chuckled, “Well, it’s good
to see you too.”
“Don’t laugh.” Her scolding came out rather muffled as her
face was still buried in the fabric of his shirt.
Deciding this was no time for words he held
her close and relished the warmth of having her in his arms after what felt
like forever. He rested his cheek
against the top of her head and ran a hand up and down her back. When he sensed her begin to loosen her hold,
he pulled back slightly and gazed down at her.
“Want to talk about it?”
She nodded and took a deep breath. “But not right now.”
“Okay,” he accepted, noting she made no
further sign of wanting to move from his embrace.
She squeezed him again as she held his
gaze. “I’m glad you made it back safely,
Daniel.”
“Me too,” he agreed, realizing the simple
words did little to communicate the depth of what he was feeling.
“Now,” she said, easing away from him, “we
better eat before this gets cold.”
As they began the impromptu meal Daniel
noticed that conversation continued to steer clear of the recent mission. But Janet did bring him up to date with news
of the SGC and Cassie’s activities. He
could almost imagine that this was nothing more than an enjoyable dinner in the
comfort of his apartment were it not for the tension he still detected in her
posture.
“So,” he said as they were finishing the
clean up afterward, “when do you have to leave?” He regretted his choice of words the instant
they were out of his mouth. He hadn’t intended
for it to sound as if he wanted her to go.
“Cassie’s expecting me at nine,” she replied,
“and it’s about a twenty minute drive.”
He glanced at the clock. That gave them about an hour and a half. Turning back to face her he saw she was
folding the tea towel she’d been using to dry dishes perhaps a little too
meticulously. She looks tired. Moving
toward her he asked, “Would you like me to make some coffee?”
She shook her head. “No thanks.”
Seeming to come to a decision then, she placed the tea towel on the
counter and looked him in the eye. “I
think what I really need is to sit and talk for a while.”
Daniel held out his hand to her, smiling at
the warmth that flowed into him at her touch.
The conversation ahead wasn’t apt to be an easy one, but he knew it
shouldn’t be avoided. As they sat down
on the sofa Janet slipped off her shoes and pulled her legs underneath
her. She’d left some space between them,
so he shifted to an angle where he could see her better and stretched his arm
along the back of the sofa.
“I want you to tell me what happened,” she
declared. “Everything that happened.”
“You’re sure?”
She turned her head to meet his eyes. “I need
to know, Daniel. I can’t really explain
it, but… I think being able to quantify it, in all its gory detail, will help
me get a handle on it somehow.”
The certainty and trust he saw reflected in
that gaze explained what her words could not.
“Okay,” he agreed. Then reaching
with his free hand to clasp hers, he told her what she wanted to know.
She listened attentively, her grip on his
hand tightening occasionally. She only
spoke a couple of times, to seek clarification about something he’d said. But he saw the flurry of emotions as they
flashed in her eyes. As anticipated,
there’d been fear and worry. But there’d
also been other things – understanding, compassion, and even what he thought
was a touch of pride.
When he finished, Janet released his hand and
looked away. She didn’t speak for some
time.
“I’m sorry about Doctor Rothman.” Her voice was strong and steady, but full of
earnest sympathy. “I know he was a good
friend.”
“Thank you.”
“When I first heard… all they knew for
certain was you’d been taken by what was presumed to be a native Unas, and that
SG teams one and two were going on a search and rescue.” Her thumbnails made a soft clicking sound in
the silence as her hands fidgeted in her lap.
“Rationally I knew that everything possible would be done to find you,
and that the best of the best was involved with the search. I even knew that I could trust you to fight,
to do whatever you could—” her voice grew shaky, faltering altogether as she
broke off.
Daniel dropped his arm around her shoulders,
grateful when she didn’t resist his gentle nudge to draw her closer.
“I know it sounds silly, but I was so angry
with you,” she confessed.
“Why were you angry?”
“Several reasons,” she replied, leaning her
head into the crook of his shoulder. “I
was angry because you’d been off world for three weeks. I think part of me was even upset at the
possibility that, being involved in an archaeological dig, you were too busy
and having too much fun to be thinking about me. But mostly I was angry because you’d managed
to get entangled in danger yet again. And here I was, all alone, faced with the
prospect that you might not be coming back.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“But that’s just it,” she argued, sitting up
straight so she could look at him. “You
shouldn’t have to apologize.”
Her expression was sincere, but Daniel wasn’t
certain where she was going with her line of logic. He shook his head. “Janet, I appreciate that, but I don’t really
understand what you’re getting at.”
“When I was lying awake last night one of the
things I realized was that you and I didn’t part on the best of terms before
this mission.”
He thought back, recalling the conversation
in her office. It hadn’t exactly been a
fight, but there’d been unresolved tension between them.
“Daniel, I know we’ve spoken about this issue
before, about the dangers of our work and the risk you take and I’ve always
said that I understand.” She took a
steadying breath but he could feel the slight tremble that passed across her
shoulders. “What I don’t think I
understood or was prepared for was the notion that I’d be so selfish, that…
that I think part of me expected you to change somehow once we became
involved.”
“Change?” he asked, more confused than
before. “And what does that have to do
with you considering yourself selfish?
Janet, you’re one of the most caring, unselfish individuals I’ve ever
known.”
The corners of her mouth turned up in a tiny
smile. “As absurd as it may seem, part
of me hoped that being in a relationship would somehow result in your being a
little less… I don’t know, daring perhaps.
I thought you’d become less curious, that you’d take a more cautious
approach. But I realize that was just my
selfishness, my desire for you not to get hurt or, worse yet, killed, putting
crazy ideas in my head. And what makes
it so ridiculous is I know it’s your curiosity, your desire to discover and to learn that makes you who you are.
I would never want to see that change because it would mean you weren’t
the same Daniel I care about.” She was
talking faster now, as if some dam had broken and all her thoughts were pouring
free. “So my anger at you was improperly
founded. It was really more a reaction
of self-pity, because I didn’t like having to deal with the prospect of losing
you. Then when I remembered how our last
interaction had gone I regretted it, regretted that it might be our last memory
of one another. I realized that I don’t
ever want you to go off world again without knowing that I believe in you, that
I support you and that I’m proud of what you do… that I’ll always be back home
waiting for you, willing for your safe return.”
Daniel didn’t know what to say. He’d never suspected her worry for him would
take such a path, but as her eyes held his, desperate for some sense of
confidence that things would be okay between them, he knew she’d been sincere.
Tightening his grip at her shoulder, he
reached with his other hand to caress her cheek. “Janet, I’ve always known those things. In fact it was such knowledge that helped me
make it through this past ordeal.
Knowing you care for me, and that you’re here for me to come back to,
has given me courage beyond anything I could claim on my own.”
Relief flooded her expression as her eyes
began to pool with tears. She opened her
mouth, but no words came forth.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, pulling her into
his arms. He clung to her, drawing
strength from her even as he hoped to give her the same in return. He buried his face in her hair, breathing
deeply of her scent and her presence.
And as they sat there, in the silence, he felt her tears begin to subside
and the final vestiges of the stress between them melt away.
Janet shifted slightly, not withdrawing from
the embrace but still putting some distance between them. She remained quiet and tilted her head to
rest it against the back of the sofa.
Her attention remained fixed entirely on his face and eventually he
realized she was studying him.
When his curiosity could stand no more,
Daniel gently but firmly asked, “What?”
“I was just thinking,” she answered vaguely,
avoiding his gaze.
“About?” he pressed.
She met his eyes then, and he was certain she
was beginning to blush. “I was just
trying to imagine what it was like,” she confessed, “and wishing I could have
been there – sort of like a fly on the wall, I suppose – to see how you
interacted with… what did you say was the Unas’ name?”
“Chaka.
But why would you have wanted to see that?”
She lowered her eyes slightly and bit her
lip, as if she was considering whether or not to let him in on some
secret. “Well,” she said, “I can’t
imagine many men who, when faced with capture by an Unas, would manage to turn
the situation into an anthropological endeavor, not only managing to survive
but also forging a friendship in the process.
And I just think it would have been fascinating to watch how that played
out.”
He blinked at her. “Fascinating?
It wasn’t exactly fascinating
at the time. Remember, I spent most of
it thinking I was going to end up on the dinner menu.”
The only response she gave was a warm smile.
“Are you teasing me?” he asked carefully, not
wanting to misread the seeming change in her mood.
“No, silly.
I’m trying to tell you that I’m impressed by your talents and abilities,
by how what you love doing is also the way you sometimes face life’s
challenges. I’m saying this is part of what
I admire about you, part of what I find so appealing about you.”
“Ah.”
His assessment of her altering temperament was looking better all the
time. He risked a smile of his own as he
leaned forward and inquired, “So, since you’re being so forthcoming this
evening, care to share any other insights along these lines?”
She narrowed her eyes at him, but not so much
that he missed the hint of mirth dancing there.
“You mean in terms of what I find so appealing about you?”
He shrugged innocently. Well, as long as she was offering.
Janet eased back, crossed her arms, and
studied him for a moment before shaking her head. “No.
Not really interested in sharing anything more at this point.”
He laughed.
“Now you are teasing me.”
“Maybe a little,” she acknowledged. But then her expression turned serious once
more and she raised a hand to carefully slip off his glasses. “I missed you, Daniel.”
“I missed you too.”
A flicker of the former self-doubt crept into
her expression when she asked, “Even though you were in full-fledged
archaeology mode the past three weeks?”
“I may have been enjoying my work,” he
conceded. He reached up, his eyes
following where his fingers began to trace the curves of her face. “But I still missed the sparkle of your eyes
and that effervescent laughter of yours.
I missed your smile and the way your heels make that distinctive
tap-tap-tap when you’re walking around the infirmary. I missed how you sometimes drop by my office
unannounced and the hint of spices and soap that always catches my attention
just a split second before you round the corner.” His gaze locked with hers. “And every night, before I drifted off to
sleep, your face and the sound of your voice were all that filled my thoughts.”
She edged toward him and Daniel was reminded
that it had been far too long since that night of their first kiss. When he met her lips, a wave of a sweet
familiarity washed over him. Her touch,
her taste, even her breath was like some delicious whisper of home. He felt Janet lean closer, welcomed the
delight of such proximity, and then was caught by surprise when she continued
pressing until they fell prone against the sofa. He secured one arm around her waist, holding
her tight against him, his other hand winding in the silkiness of her hair as
she responded with more insistent kisses of her own.
It was a demand for air which finally broke
the fervor, but they continued to share shorter, softer kisses even as he felt
her slowly pull away. She looked down at
him, and a few wisps of her hair fell forward, tickling where they brushed his
skin.
Eyes flashing with amber fire, Janet
breathlessly admitted, “I missed doing that
too.” The smile she managed was slightly
lopsided. “A bit more than I realized,
in fact.”
“Obviously.”
His agreement was equally breathless.
He shifted, pulling her with him until they were lying on their
sides. “Although I think the feeling is
mutual.”
“Perhaps,” she began in a lazy tone, her
fingers grazing up and down his forearm, “there is some truth to that old
saying.”
“Which old saying is that?” he replied, the
last word rising in pitch slightly when Janet repositioned her fingers to dance
at the nape of his neck and a shiver raced up his spine.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” She was smiling, but he heard the lingering
misgiving in her tone.
He made his voice as gentle as possible. “Is that your way of asking if it’s going to
be like this every time I return from a mission?”
When she met his eyes, Daniel knew she understood
he wasn’t simply referring to the fun of getting caught up on physical
affection after they’d been separated.
“It’s never going to be easy,” she admitted,
holding his gaze. “But no, it’s not
going to be like this every time. I’ve
made peace with this set of demons – the emotions we’ve discussed tonight. As for whatever new demons may lie ahead…”
she shrugged and snuggled closer. “We’ll
deal with them together.”
“That’s a promise,” he whispered and met her
lips in another kiss.
~ THE END ~