Suggested
Rating: PG-13
Category: Daniel/Janet
Setting: Takes place immediately following the
episode, The Fifth Man.
Synopsis: Almost losing Jack and struggling against
Colonel Simmons’ harsh accusations, Daniel has definitely been having a bad
day. Fortunately, he knows where to turn
for comfort.
Author’s
Comments: Part 32 in The Journey series. Thanks
to Sonia, who provided her usual editorial magic but also, in allowing me to
bounce ideas off her, has made this story so much better than readers will ever
realize. J
DISCLAIMER: All publicly
recognizable characters and places (the Stargate SG-1 stuff) are the
property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret
Productions. This piece of fan fiction
was created for entertainment only and no infringement on copyrights or
trademarks was intended. Previously
unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are creations of the
author. Any similarity to real persons,
living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by
the author.
DISCRETION
IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR
- by Michelle Lunsford (March 2010)
Daniel took stock of his office. There were myriad piles of journals and books
– signs of his ongoing projects – and it appeared the contents of his in-box
had grown significantly since he’d last been here. He glanced at the clock. He was off duty now and it had been a long
day. Still, he could probably get in a
couple hours of work before collapsing at his desk.
“Yeah, right,” he muttered to himself, unsure
whether to be amused or bothered by the thought that, at one time, he would
have taken that course of action.
Reaching for the phone, he dialed a number
from memory and sat on the edge of his desk to wait.
“Hello?”
A single word, but the welcome melody of that
voice raised his spirits considerably.
“I hate to be the kind of person who calls without a moment’s notice and
invites himself over, but I’m really hoping that I can play on your gracious nature
and invite myself over tonight.” As a
light chuckle began to sound from the other end of the line he added, “I’ll even
stop and get takeout to make it worth the trouble.”
“Daniel, you know you’re always welcome
here,” Janet replied, humor lingering in her tone. “And forget takeout – I’ve already got meatloaf
in the oven.”
“Work all day and still find time to cook? Obviously, I am in love with a superwoman.”
“Hardly,” she corrected, “since super powers
don’t extend to my brain – I completely forgot to stop by the grocery on the
way home.”
“Ah, so I can be of service after all.” He reached for a pen and paper. “Tell me what you need and I’ll stop on my
way over.”
“Daniel, you don’t have to—”
“No arguments, Superwoman,” he interrupted. “Give me the list and consider it done.”
He jotted down the few items, bid her
farewell, and quickly changed out of his BDUs before heading topside. Rush-hour traffic was winding down, and it
wasn’t too crowded at the store, but he still felt impatient to reach his destination. After the day he’d had, he needed to see her; needed to rest in the
safe comfort of her presence. He wasn’t
eager to discuss recent events, but she would find a way to draw it out of him
and he suspected he needed that too.
When he arrived, Cassandra answered the front
door. “Mom’s in the kitchen,” she
mumbled, before turning to head back inside.
It wasn’t the most enthusiastic of greetings, but he credited it to her
being engrossed in the textbook she’d been holding.
Passing through to the kitchen, he was met by
the welcome aroma of Janet’s cooking.
“It smells wonderful in here.”
Janet stood at the counter, making
salad. She’d clearly gone for the
comfort factor – hair falling loose around her shoulders, dressed in air force
sweats and a ridiculous pair of hot pink fuzzy slippers – but she looked as
beautiful as ever to him.
“Thanks.”
She cast a welcoming glance over her shoulder. “And thanks for doing my shopping.”
He placed the bag on the counter and bent to
place a kiss on her cheek. “You’re
welcome. Now, what else can I do to
help?”
“Dinner’s almost ready, but you can put the
groceries away.”
He eyed the bag a little skeptically. “I can, but I’ve seen the way you keep things
organized in the infirmary and stockrooms.
You’re not going to have a conniption if I put something in the wrong
place, are you?”
“Don’t worry.” She gave him a playful nudge
against the arm with her shoulder. “I’m
a bit more lenient about the order of my kitchen.”
“That’s good to know.” He reached into the bag, pulling out
items. “Otherwise I was going to offer
to set the table instead.”
“Actually, that’s Cassie’s job tonight. Which reminds me,” she paused, wiping her
hands on the tea towel draped across her shoulder, “excuse me for a minute.”
Daniel busied himself with the groceries and
was nearly finished when the sound of raised voices reached him. It wasn’t actual yelling, certainly not so loud
that he could make out words, but the tension behind them was unmistakable. A few seconds later Cassandra came into the
room and began taking dishes out of the cupboards with a bit more fervor than
necessary. Janet followed and, managing
to catch her eye, he shot her a concerned glance.
Nothing, she mouthed
silently with a terse shake of her head, and returned to the task of getting
food on the table.
By the time they sat down, it seemed the
worst was over. Either that or some
unspoken truce had been declared.
Perhaps it was for his benefit – a thought which didn’t really make him feel
any better. But the meal passed
amicably, with Cassandra going so far as to chat with him about how she was
faring in her studies. She even
displayed some genuine excitement when she mentioned her latest art
project. Still, she excused herself as
soon as they finished eating and Janet immediately began clearing the table.
Joining her at the sink, Daniel helped load
the dishwasher. He wasn’t naïve enough
to think that Janet and her daughter never fought, but this was the first time
he’d been present to witness it. He
didn’t think it was anything serious, but his affection for both of them was
sufficient incentive to be concerned.
“Janet, I don’t want to overstep my bounds
here, and I trust if I ever do you’ll be the first to let me know.”
She stopped to glance up and meet his gaze. “Of course. Now, let me guess – this is the part where
you ask about the earlier argument between me and Cassie.”
He gave a half shrug but didn’t break eye
contact. “I only bring it up because I
care—about both of you. I thought you might want to talk about it
but,” he paused to look away, “I also want to honor your place as Cassandra’s
mother. If it’s none of my business just
tell me and—” he broke off at the touch of her hand on his arm.
“Daniel, that’s sweet of you, but you needn’t
worry. It’s nothing serious. Cassie and I are simply going through the
wonderful phase of life known as the teen years.”
“Ah.”
He nodded, memories of his own adolescence
surfacing. His youth had been marked by
social awkwardness due to his intelligence and academic interests. He was used
to peers and foster parents not understanding him and, as far as he recalled,
puberty hadn’t made it a great deal worse.
Of
course, Cassie is pretty and outgoing. I
don’t think she’s ever had a problem fitting in, despite being from a different
planet. I can’t imagine what a girl like
her is supposed to be suffering during her adolescent years.
“Part of Cassie’s attitude is nothing more
than her testing the boundaries of her independence.” Janet returned to loading the dishwasher but
her tone indicated she was focused on the conversation. “She’s also got a tougher load of classes
this year and some of her friends seem intent on being overly dramatic about everything. Add the fun of hormones bouncing all over the
chart, and it’s understandable that things are tense around our house now and
again.”
“Well, I’m sure you’re doing a great job of
trying to help her through it.”
His encouragement was rewarded with a smile,
but she lapsed into silence as they continued to clean up. Daniel gathered she wasn’t thrilled about
having to deal with Cassandra’s behavior of late, but she didn’t seem
worried. However, another thought
plagued him. He finally found courage to
voice it as Janet dialed the knob to begin the wash cycle.
“Janet, Cassie is still okay about us, right?” When she looked up to meet his eyes he added,
“I mean, our relationship hasn’t become one more thing
to factor into her adolescent angst, has it?”
She titled her head, peering at him from
beneath her bangs, with an amused smile tugging at the corner of her
mouth. “Adolescent angst may be
overstating the case a bit, but I get what you mean.” Her brow furrowed as the smile faded. “And yes, I believe she’s still okay with us
being together.” She moved closer,
taking his hand. “Granted, I think there
could be some moments of awkwardness
ahead as she comes to terms with our relationship being more serious now, and
the ramifications of that.”
The way she said that made his heart do flip-flops
in his chest, and his fingers reflexively tightened around hers.
“But we’ll work through all that as it
comes,” Janet finished, eyes flashing with determination, before stepping away
and unceremoniously altering the discussion by asking if he wanted coffee.
“Um, sure. That would be great.”
“Why don’t you have a seat in the den and
I’ll bring it in when it’s ready.”
He followed her instructions, body moving as
if on auto-pilot, while his brain continued to speculate on her words. Yes, they’d taken a significant step in their
relationship and he had no regrets. But
he hadn’t given a great deal of serious thought to where things might progress
in the future.
What
had she meant by ‘ramifications’?
His mind answered with thoughts of physical
intimacy – thoughts that occurred more often of late, despite the reality
having happened only once – and he realized with a jolt that such fantasies
were always set at his apartment. This
recognition was followed by a picture of Cassandra traipsing downstairs to find
him, hair tousled and wearing sleep pants, standing in the Fraiser kitchen. Heart pounding, he swallowed hard and wondered
why that particular scenario made him so uncomfortable.
Janet arrived with two mugs of steaming
coffee. She clued into his discomfort
immediately, but thankfully she misjudged its source.
“Coffee makes for good conversation.” She settled onto the sofa beside him. “And I’m guessing you need to talk about what
happened today.”
He nodded and took a sip from his mug. He was grateful for the distraction from
where his mind had been wandering, but he needed a few seconds to redirect his thoughts.
“What first?” she prodded gently. “Having to leave the colonel behind on the
planet, or dealing with Colonel Simmons?”
“Neither, actually.” Taking a deep breath he turned and looked at
her. “First I want to say thank you.”
Her slight smile was genuine, but her eyes
shone with curious confusion. “For what?”
“Being your usual patient and unflappable
self when we returned from the planet, despite the fact we were being rather
rude and uncooperative.”
“You were concerned about the colonel,” she
replied, as if that absolved everything.
“And I’ve certainly had to deal with worse. I was simply doing my job.”
“Yes, but you also took a risk for us when
you had that flash of Lieutenant Tyler and decided to investigate what had
caused it rather than report it to Hammond.”
Her gaze shifted toward the mug in her
hands. “I’m just grateful I was able to
figure it out. Otherwise you’d all still
be in quarantine, O’Neill would likely be dead—”
“And the way Simmons was trying to throw his
weight around, you’d have been implicated and hauled into his witch hunt of an
investigation.” He didn’t bother keeping
any of the outrage from his tone.
“Well, I guess that answers my question of
which part of today had you the most rankled.”
Janet drew her legs underneath her.
“You want to get some of that anger off your chest?”
He sat his mug aside with so much force it
nearly spilled onto the table. “That
man…” His hand clenched into a fist where it rested on his thigh, but he
couldn’t find words harsh enough.
“Is an arrogant ass with an agenda,” Janet
supplied. “So don’t allow him the
victory of causing you any more irritation than necessary.” When he remained silent she sat her own mug
on the coffee table and edged closer.
“Come on, Daniel, talk to me.”
Leaning forward, Daniel planted his forearms
against his knees. “Would you believe he
had the audacity to bring up Sarah, and what had happened with Osiris?”
“I’m not sure anything Simmons did would
surprise me, provided he thought it would serve his purposes.” Despite the candor of her answer, he thought
he detected some reservation in Janet’s voice.
“Well, it would seem his purpose was to
accuse me of being a liability to the Stargate program.” He forced the words between gritted
teeth. Simmons’ indictment still felt
like a punch in the gut.
Janet began to slowly rub his back. “And why would he do that?”
Despite his resentment of the man and the
situation, it was difficult to give voice to the crux of Simmons’ allegation.
“Because he believes my judgment is
questionable due to my experiences and, by implication, my emotional attachments
to those experiences.”
The laugh that came from Janet was more indignant
than humorous. “That goes to show how
deluded this Colonel Simmons is. If anything,
it’s your experiences and your heart
that make you such a great contributor to the SGC.”
“Maybe…”
Her confidence in him soothed some of his annoyance, but he couldn’t
wholeheartedly deny the qualms the colonel had raised. Not when he knew he’d questioned himself
along similar lines. And now that Janet
was an important part of his life, those questions had opportunity to haunt him
once more.
Would I
always make the right decision, if Janet’s life was threatened in some way? As he pondered these things in silence, she
continued to rub her hand along his back, a constant and comforting presence.
“Does it still… do you worry about Doctor
Gardner?” Her voice was soft but Daniel
heard that odd tension he’d detected earlier, like some half-spoken doubt
echoing below the surface.
“Yes.”
There was no use denying it. He did worry, as he would if anyone he
cared about had been taken by a Goa’uld.
Her hand paused, almost imperceptibly, at his
answer. He would have dismissed it
except that the reaction brought a new consideration to his mind.
He glanced over his shoulder, in order to catch
her eye. “You know that you have nothing
to worry about with regard to my feelings toward Sarah, right?”
This time she pulled her hand away. “I trust
that I don’t have anything to worry about,” she replied evenly. “But, no, I don’t know.”
He was as startled by this revelation as he was
perplexed. Slowly, he straightened up
and reached for his coffee mug. The brew
was cooling, but he needed to stall while his mind raced to figure out what he
might have done or said to cause her misgiving.
When it dawned on him, he felt a tightening in his stomach that had
nothing to do with the bitterness of tepid coffee.
“And you don’t know,” he sighed, eyes closing
for a moment as he silently berated himself for the foolish oversight
, “because I never told you.”
“You’re not obligated to explain all your
past relationships,” Janet murmured.
“But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have told
you,” he acknowledged, placing his mug on the table again. “Especially once Sarah came back into the
picture.”
She gave a noncommittal shrug but he saw in
her eyes the expectation, the desire to finally put this reluctant yet nagging
suspicion to rest.
Turning to face her, he took a deep breath
and said, “I met Sarah when she came from Britain to do post-doctoral work at
the university. I was working as Doctor
Jordan’s assistant, and already had started making a less than positive name
for myself in academia due to my theories.”
Janet, hands clasped loosely in her lap, held
his gaze as she listened.
“But Sarah didn’t appear to mind. In fact, she was uniquely interested in my
work. I didn’t realize until later this
was, at least in part, due to some infatuation she’d developed while researching
my papers as part of the work on her own doctorate. I have to admit, it was flattering. So it wasn’t
long before we began dating.” He paused,
unable to hide his chagrin as he admitted, “This was also a time when, believe
it or not, I obsessed about my work even more than I do now.”
This earned him a raised-eyebrow look, but
Janet didn’t interrupt.
“In the end, that was what caused our
problems. We’d been together a couple of
months and she’d planned this big anniversary date for us.” He lowered his gaze, feeling as sheepish as
if it had happened yesterday. “I lost
track of time and worked right through it.
We had a huge fight… She was in
love with me, but she was smart enough to figure out my passions were
divided. So she broke it off.” With a sigh he added, “And I can’t say that I
blame her.”
“I’m sorry it had to end badly.” The tenderness in her voice caused him to
jerk his head up again. Her expression
was sympathetic and nonjudgmental.
Not
that I should be surprised – Janet’s heart is more capable of compassion than
any I’ve ever known.
“I was sorry too,” he confessed. “In hindsight… I don’t think my feelings ran
as deep as hers did. Maybe they could
have, if I’d given things a better chance.
If I’d known how
to give things a better chance.”
He fell quiet, allowing the various memories to wash over him, accepting
the pain they brought.
But
pain isn’t the only thing I’ve learned.
“Now I believe – I hope – that I understand relationships a little better. If nothing else, I know I have a deeper
capacity for loving.”
Something in his tone must have revealed the
nature of his reflections because Janet offered a hint of smile and said,
“Because of Sha’re?”
He nodded and closed his eyes briefly in
remembered grief. Then he pushed the memories
aside, and resolutely met the gaze of the woman sitting beside him. “But also because of you, Janet. You’re teaching me what it feels like to love
again, and in ways I didn’t think possible.”
The smile that broke across her face was one,
he was coming to realize, she revealed only to him.
“I will always love Sha’re. I will always care for Sarah. And should the opportunity arise, I’ll do
everything I can to help her be free of Osiris.” He took both her hands in his. “But your
affections are first in my heart now. You’re
the one whose happiness I seek as if it were my own. You’re the one I long to be with,” he reached
to caress her cheek, “who fills my thoughts when I’m alone at night. Janet, you
are the woman I love, and who I want to love more every day.”
Eyes glistening, she leaned toward him. “I love you too, Daniel.” Then she met his lips in a kiss so sweet, so
full of promise, he wanted to lose himself in it.
Janet slid her arms around him and he
welcomed her into an embrace, burying one hand in her auburn tresses as he drew
her closer. She broke contact to trail
kisses along his jaw, which afforded him the pleasant opportunity to return the
favor down the delicious curve of her neck.
“You could stay the night.” The offer was little more than a whisper,
warm and breathless against his ear. He
could sense his body responding to her proximity and as she eased away
slightly, to be able to look him in the eye, he saw trust and devotion mingled
with her desire.
Then his earlier musing returned, bringing
with it the same rush of discomfort. He
knew there would be no hiding the unwelcome hint of reservation that flashed across
his face.
“What’s wrong?” Uncertainty colored her tone but Daniel was
glad she didn’t pull any farther away.
You
can’t lie about this,
his inner voice warned. Don’t even try.
“Cassandra,” he said.
Still she didn’t move, but her face fell. “What about her?”
More than anything, he wanted her not to
misunderstand him. So he took a few
seconds to choose his words. “Janet,
I’ve always known that being with you meant being with not only the woman, but
the doctor, the military officer, and the mother as well. They are all part of who you are, all part of who I love.”
She nodded, encouraging him to go on.
“We’ve already chosen to be intimate and
believe me,” he traced an affectionate curve along her face with his fingertips,
“nothing would make me happier than sharing that with you again.”
Janet, cheeks flushing, smiled her agreement.
“But am I wrong to think that this is
different? That my staying the night
here, in yours and Cassandra’s home,
isn’t quite the same as our being together at my place?”
Janet’s eyes widened in comprehension, and
then she averted her gaze and was quiet for several seconds. He was reassured when she leaned into him
again, resting her head against his chest.
“You’re right. In fact, similar thoughts had already crossed
my mind. I had hoped the first time I could make an invitation for you to stay
would be a time when we’d have the house to ourselves.” She ran her fingers down the front of his
shirt then rested her hand at his waist. “Even so, I knew there was always
going to be that first time, when Cassie had to come face to face with the
realization that you’re part of my life now.”
Daniel wrapped his arms more securely around
her, relishing the thrill those words had given him.
A part
of her life – is that what this is, what this is becoming? He kissed the top of her head. He wasn’t certain about everything implied by
the idea of sharing their lives, but he knew it was what he wanted.
“I guess I just don’t want to put too much on
Cassie before she’s ready,” he said. “I
know that, at the core of the matter, this relationship is about you and me,
about what we want. But that doesn’t
mean I don’t want to consider her feelings too.”
Janet turned her head to look up at him, her
eyes shining in the lamplight. “Thank
you. That means so much to me.” She brushed a light kiss across his lips before
continuing. “I’m not sure when Cassie
will be completely ready for this. Truth
is, this is new ground for all of us.”
Do
yourself a favor – don’t make her be the one to say it.
He managed a smile, hoping it wasn’t too
forced. “Perhaps it’s better if I don’t
stay.”
Relief flickered in her expression, but at
least it was mixed with an equal portion of regret. “Doesn’t mean I don’t still
want you to.” She sounded so wistful that it was difficult
not to change his mind.
He rested his forehead against hers. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t
like to.”
They sat that way for a while and Daniel used
the opportunity to re-commit to memory every detail of her – wisps of hair
framing her face, eyes dark with emotion, the intoxicating scent of some faint
perfume lingering on her skin.
Janet was the first to move, pulling away
with a sigh. “I’ll see you at work in
the morning?”
He nodded.
“Want to meet for coffee in the mess before your shift begins?”
“That would be nice.”
Rising from the sofa, he followed Janet to
the door. Their kiss was slow,
persistent. Daniel suspected it was only
the need to breathe that enabled him to finally break contact.
They bid goodnight and as he drove away the
last thing he saw in the rearview mirror was Janet slowly closing her front
door.
~ THE END ~